Is it Really Love?

I thought she was the “one”. I thought our future was looking pretty bright. She ended it suddenly a few weeks ago and I am struggling to get past this. We’ve had some arguments but I never thought it was anything serious enough to end things. I am so confused. If she loved me, how could we not get through this?-

BrokenHearted in Akron   Dear Broken Hearted   Here is my take on the difference between what being in love and being in lust or like with someone is. I hope this helps!  

WAS IT EVER REALLY LOVE?

The phrase “I love you” is something that any person entering a relationship with intense physical and emotional feelings works towards.   Your body and brain are being bombarded with chemicals meant specifically to induce bonding with a partner.

This bond leads couples down the road where three little words, small in nature but large in power, await.   Unfortunately, people often confuse intense desire or want as a sign that they are “falling in” love with their partner.

They may utter these words, in a spontaneous moment, and sadly without the understanding of the responsibility, those words contain. Any person in a relationship must stop and truly contemplate what that phrase means before it leaves their lips.  

I LOVE YOU” is a promise to another person that you will:

• Listen as much as you speak
• Give as much as you take
• Forgive as much as you are forgiven
• Give them your time, without the distraction of the outside world.
• Give them affection through words and touch.
• Accepting them for who they are, without the expectation of changing them into who you feel they should be.
• Be truthful and respectful, treating them as you would want your own daughter or son to be treated some day.

True love says
“I’ll hold you when you cry, I’ll laugh with you till our stomachs ache.
I will lend you my strength when yours has faltered, and I’ll be your biggest fan when the world is great.
I won’t run away from you when the storms come, I will run head long into it holding your hand.”

 Relationships do not follow a linear line. They are more like a winding path. Sometimes that path is sunny and beautiful, filled with happiness and joy.

Other times it’s dark, filled with shadows, and not a pretty sight.   So how do you know when it’s real? When it’s more than lust or want?  

When the storm comes, when you find yourself on the dark side of the path. True love is what tells us, let’s do this together, we are better off with each other than alone.

Anyone can be “in love”’ when the relationship is easy when it’s only about touching, surface talk, and sex. It is when it gets tough that you discover as partners who the other truly is.

Some are right for a night or even a season or two. The person worthy of your time and attention is the one who will guard your heart.

So here is my advice Broken Hearted, if you ever find yourself seeking love again, make sure that you feel confident enough with this person that those promises above are something you know they will keep.

Look inside your own heart and mind and make sure you can do the same.

The storm will come, it happens to all of us, the question is, will your hand be out to hold or will you walk away, leaving them to face it alone.

Never utter those words unless you feel that you have it in you to be there through the good times and the bad.

Love isn’t simple, it’s messy and complicated and can be hard to understand. If, however, you find the person who is worth that risk then take the chance. If you can’t commit though, spare them the pain. No one deserves to feel like that.