I Touch Myself…

(and you, yes you reading this, should too…)

Heeeey all…bet that title got your attention lol well it should cause this article is all about masturbation. Yep. That’s right. Flicking the bean. Diddle the Skittle. Rubbing one out….well you get my point!

Do As Marvin Gaye Says…and Get It On…

If you are not someone who has explored her own body, then you need too. 

A woman who knows what instinctively turns her on is a woman empowered to speak up in the bedroom and ensure her experience is a fantastic one.

Like all things, when it comes to sex we are taught as little girls that certain things are dirty and wrong. “Good girls” don’t do that sort of thing. 

They don’t have those types of thoughts. (Good girls also don’t like two men at once, anal sex, bondage, or hentai but that is another article for another time 😉)

The Lady Boner

I am a very good girl but a very bad one in the sack and I don’t have a problem admitting that. 

The first time I felt that “sensation..down there” I was 13 and leaning against a jet in the pool. 

I learned 2 things that day. 
1. Pools are hella fun and 
2. Guilt is mother fucking bitch.

As a matter of fact, I felt so guilty that had I been Catholic, I would have gone to a confession that very night. Sadly it took me decades to accept that wonder that is my wonderland, more on that in a stitch.

For now, I’ll teach you a favorite word of mine…I call that feeling in the nether regions, my lady boner and there are days when it “schwings” all the time. 

I Call Bullshit and So Can You…

A lifetime of being told that my pleasure, my desires were only valid if the man had a good time, eventually took hold as I grew up. 

It took till my 30’s to purchase my first sex toy and even then I felt a sense of shame surrounding what should have been an empowered choice. I truly thought that my goal as a woman, my “proof” that I was a good lover was whether or not my man came at the end of the night.

Here is the honest to God, no snark about it, simple truth. How can you expect a man to meet your sexual needs, when you don’t even know what your own body can do? There is power in declaring our needs, confidence in knowing our wants. There should never be shame or guilt associated with knowing yourself quite literally from the inside out. 

OMG Becky…Where did you get that toy…
Cause I need one…

Ok, ok, maybe if you are new to this whole self-pleasure thing you don’t need to start with the Ron Jeremy sized dildo. Maybe go for the Ron Jeremiah, his second cousin twice removed by marriage who lived next door…..

No, really, in all seriousness, toys are fun. They can truly enhance your sexual experiences with or without someone. Everyone responds to stimulation differently. 

Some women need clitoral stimulation, some vaginal, and if you’re really freaky like (uhmmm cough cough…a certain writer you may or may not know) you also like to be stimulated anally. 

So many women say that while sex is pleasurable, they have never truly experienced, the big Kahunah, the cliff dive, the soar straight into outer space we call the Big O. 

This is where a toy can change the game entirely. Especially when you are with a new partner who does know yet where to find the center of your tootsie pop. 

Keep a Hitachi or Rabbit or an anal bead or two in your bedside stand. (Just make sure your grandson doesn’t wander around your bedroom and find your wand and bring it out and ask “Hey grandma what is this?” or ummmm yea something to that effect) 

When you are ready to get it on, grab those toys and show your partner how to get you off. Most men will love your confidence and will enjoy watching you take a one-way ride to “Oh My Fucking God, Yes” town. 

Ummm Dude…It’s Just A Dildo…
Keep Calm and Carry On…

Now, fellas, this is where you come in, especially with your own partner or someone new. Toys are your friend. Say it with me boys “toys are my friend”

I’ve met too many men who are intimidated by the idea of using something besides their fingers or cocks. 

I’ve even met ones who are afraid of her picking something bigger than them because it somehow challenges their masculinity.

Let me break it down for ya though real smooth like. A toy cannot kiss, talk or touch. It can’t replace skin to skin, or fingers wrapped in her hair and lips on her neck.

It is an enhancer. Much the way swinging in itself should be. A lot of women cannot orgasm vaginally but put a magic wand on their clit and you may need to keep waterproof sheets within reach.

I write some of this tongue in cheek, (cause tongue on balls doesn’t have quite the same ring) but the point I’m making is that we can take awkward out of a lot of LS experiences if we stop being afraid of expressing our wants and needs.

A little advice for everyone…

A woman who knows herself can’t be shy because she knows he’s in for a treat. A man who is secure in himself knows the toy may add to the experience but it’s not “oh vibrator” slipping through clenched teeth. Being in a long term relationship and even with someone new never has to be boring. There are endless ways to keep the excitement going.

I am a huge advocate for helping people release the shame or fear and embrace pleasure. The LS should add to our life experience. Think of it this way, swinging is the icing on an already delicious piece of cake. If this is the only body you get, shouldn’t you make the most of it?

So go ahead and live out the lyrics of the awesome Divinyls song and “Think about each other while you touch yourselves.”

You didn’t hear this from me but the boys down at Camp Wanna BangYa just installed a new hot tub and the jets are pretty fucking fantastic….shhhhhh…nah go ahead..pass that shit on…

10 Things to Know

1. HOBBIES AND INTERESTS.
   Many couples find themselves after their nests have emptied, looking across the table from someone that is virtually a stranger. They realize that without the common goal of raising their children, they don’t really have a lot to say or do that aligns. Before you get serious, or even if you already are, take a moment to understand the passions and interests that drive your partner. You don’t have to like everything that they do, but if you have no common ground, you’ll find yourself alone even when your not.
2. VIEWS ON SPIRITUALITY. Is regular church attendance a core part of who you are? Is your partner ‘spiritual’ but not ‘religious’? Understanding where you stand on matters of faith is important. You don’t have to agree on this topic, but if you can’t agree to disagree, you’ll either end up with spirited debates, or spend your relationship so focused on trying to convert and convince that you cannot enjoy being able to coexist.
3. VIEWS ON MONOGAMY, MORALITY ETC…Many couples enjoy healthy partnerships that are not based on traditional societal norms. The partner who compromises his or her own views on this to please the other will always end up with resentment and hurt in the long run. Non traditional views on relationships are not wrong, but they have to be something both of you want.
4. PAST HISTORIES / TRAUMAS. As someone with PTSD this is one that took years for me to be comfortable with. Allowing myself to vulnerable with someone and share my past was allowing someone to potentially judge me, or worse, pity me. In the end though, someone who has had a traumatic past can find it cathartic and healing to open up to those they trust. Behaviors or reactions that might seem personal, can be put into context when your partner has more facts.
5. SPENDING HABITS / GOALS. Does money burn a hole in your pocket the second payday hits? Is your partner the person who cringes at spending an extra $.50 cents? You have to have some fundamental commonalities with this issue or you will constantly resent and be angry with each other. If you have specific financial goals, and money is not your strong suit, can you realistically let someone help you meet those, trusting they have your best interests in mind?
6. END OF LIFE WISHES.No one wants to talk about death yet it is something that will happen to all. Having a candid discussion about your wishes for end of life is a must. It does not matter if you are 22 or 75, every person has specific things they want and need done when it is time for loved ones to say goodbye. Don’t leave your partner dealing with the grief of your loss and a lifetime of guilt not knowing if they did the things you would have wanted.
7. FAMILY DYNAMICS. The chances are if you are in a newer relationship after your 30’s you will eventually date someone with children, young or grown. Couples cannot assume that because things worked one way in their home that is the way it is for everyone. Frank discussions on what your roles are, even if the kids are grown, will help you both feel like you have a voice. Remember those grown kids may some day have children of their own. Stepparent is a word that should not exist. Bonus parents are simply one more person who has come into a family with more love, wisdom and teaching to give. Know where your partner stands on this and make sure your values align.
8. SEXUAL NEEDS. The beginning of a relationship is sex focused. You are on that natural, chemical high. It is after, when the tasks of daily living and sharing your lives happens that couples can run into problems. If you are someone who has a high sex drive or one that is sluggish at best, it is far better to be honest upfront. Otherwise, the shift from constant need to none at all is going to feel very personal and leave either or both of you frustrated, confused and hurt. If, as you age, your needs shift or change, you must be honest with your partner. Why put yourself in a constant situation where you eventually avoid it altogether when a conversation could help you both decide what would work?
9. MESSY OR NEAT. There is a joke that in divorce court more lost toothpaste caps get brought into meditations than anything else! You have to know what makes the person you are with tick in the day to day existence of life. If you are a walking, talking, hurricane of chaos who leaves a mess “Pigpen” style everywhere you go, a partner who craves order, neatness and calm is going to have a hard time. However, couples can get past this one simply by working together and helping each other. You are a team! Let strength of another balance out your weaknesses and vice versa and you’re well on your way to long term success.
10. INTROVERT, EXTROVERT.There is a ton of research that shows the differences between people who are more introverted and those that are not. Nightly gatherings, staying up and talking to the wee hours of the morning, having to be “on” all the time, can feel a little bit like slow water boarding for an introvert. While many enjoy nights out with friends and being social, they also need time to decompress and be alone. The extrovert on the other hand craves the very thing they avoid. Couples with these conflicting personalities can still be healthy and solid, it just takes a little more compromise. The extrovert for example can agree to a set # of nights out a month with the understanding that their partner may go out more often with friends or on their own to satisfy what they need for peace of mind.

Take the time to have these discussions. It can only help you both have a greater understanding and respect for each other in the long run. You do not have to be exactly alike to have a fulfilling and happy relationship. You do have to be willing to accept your partner for who they are.

That Guy….Don’t Be Him…

“Come on baby. I know your head hurts but I’ll be quick. Just let me get in there and rub one-off. You know I can make you cum.”

“Would it kill you to dress up for me once in a while? Put on some lipstick and lingerie. I work hard all day, I don’t understand why you can’t make an effort for me.”

“Hey baby, I know we don’t know each other very well, but here is a pic of my dick…wanna come over and help me get rid of this hard-on?”

WHAT DO THESE 3 MEN HAVE IN COMMON? WELL FOR STARTERS NONE OF THEM ARE GETTING LAID LATER!

Oh boy….Really? I mean reeeeaaally?!

You all know these men, sadly, some of you may even be these men. They walk around a la Night at the Roxbury style, nodding their heads to the beat of their own music, completely clueless as to why they are not succeeding in their quest.

Soooooo, in order to assist the males out there in Cyberland, your Auntie is taking you to class. Get out your pencils boys. Your gonna want to take some notes.

THE LADY BONE’S CONNECTED TO HER MIND BONE…

So here is the deal. If you want her to respond, you need to turn her on. If we feel that you are looking for a cozy for your cock and not a night connecting with us you might find yourself left shaking in the cold. 

If you make her feel denigrated, used, or put on the spot, chances are she’s gonna dry up faster than the Sahara during a heatwave.

The woman who is made to feel desired wanted and sexy is a woman who is far more receptive to being physically connected with you.

Classic “That Guy” lines that did not go over as well as they thought:

• Oh yea. Take this big cock. You fucking, dirty bitch. Tell me who rocks your world. I’m gonna ruin you for other men. 
• Did you cum? Well….. did you? 
• Oh shit! Baby! That pussy is lined in gold. Damn this feels so good (as his head has been in my shoulder for the past 10 minutes and he’s forgotten there is a person attached to said…well you know…)
• I’m gonna cum in your mouth. Open wide….

SO……WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED AFTER THESE LINES WHERE UTTERED IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT?

DID I?

A. Orgasm like a banshee and indeed was ruined for other men?
B. Realize that I have the best vagina in the world and have a plaque made in honor of it?
C. Fake my orgasm, silently giggle, and try my best not to roll my eyes during it all?

IF YOUR ANSWER WAS C THEN DING…DING…DING…YOU GET A GOLD STAR ALONG WITH YOUR COOKIES AND MILK! 

Cause here is the thing, only you are a porn star, or she is a porn star, and you are both filming a scene, you have to help a woman get into the “dirty zone”, even then, if your version of dirty is focused only on your experience and your appendage you are probably going to lose on this one.

If you want her freak flag to fly high and proud, give her a reason to unfurl the damn thing!

SAY IT WITH FEELING

So if you have been following along you will see that what you say is just as important as when you say it. Nothing gets a woman wetter faster than a man who makes her feel as sexy and confident as he believes she is. One easy way to set the tone for the evening’s fun is to get her going from the beginning of the day. A few key texts sent throughout the working hours can help go a long way towards helping her want to enjoy wicked games in the night.

Take a look at some things that you can send to your lady that help set the tone for the evening ahead. As always, modify them to your language style. I can promise you, if you are consistent with working on her heart and mind, barring any medical conditions that mess with her sex drive, these techniques do get results!

Things you can text or say on the phone to help set a very sexy tone:

1. Just thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you tonight.
2. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. Can’t wait to wrap my arms around you later.
3. Hey baby. Just wanted to tell you how lucky I am. You make me happy and I’m so very glad to have you in my life.
4. Do you have any idea how sexy you are?
5. Just sitting here at work and you popped into my mind. Wanted to tell you I was thinking of you and I can’t wait to see you tonight.
6. Hi honey. Get out that red dress and some heels. My mom is picking up the kids and I want to show you off tonight!
7. Tonight is you, me and your favorite bottle of wine. Can’t wait to spend time with you, no phones, just us.
8. I love you. You make me smile. Just wanted to you to know.

Did you by chance pick up on the theme of these texts? See the pattern that is beginning to flow? Not a single one of these has anything to do with sex! I know right? While dirty talking is fun and serves a purpose, the key to helping her get there is to first make her feel wanted and loved.

So often men go about this the wrong way. They do not understand that foreplay has nothing to do with your dick. It is about helping her feel your desire for her, helping her understand that you need her and want her. In doing this, you will be shocked at how receptive she is to want to express herself in so many other ways, most of which you will be the beneficiary for.

Now, fellas, I want you to take this advice to heart. So often I hear from men who say “She’s just not interested in sex”, “She is cold” “She doesn’t want me anymore”. Often it is not that her sex drive is gone, it’s that her head is so full of insecurity and worry that the signals are getting crossed! By helping her to understand that you value her, cherish her, and want her, you will go a long way towards helping her show you through physical expressions of love.

A SUMMARY FOR THE CLIFF NOTES GUYS

1. Engage her brain and her heart before you try to engage her thighs.
2. Know what kind of language she will respond too. Not all girls want Christian Grey (Well some of us do but not all…)
3. Let your actions speak as loudly as your words. If you’re love life is feeling as rusty as the Tin Man from Oz, the little things you do is the oil in the can.
4. Intimacy is not always about penetration. If you can make her orgasm without your penis, you are too quote J.J Walker “Dynomite”.
5. Last but not least, there are many ways to express yourself physically with a partner. If she is not in the mood to have sex, you can still have a very erotically charged, fun night. Creativity isn’t just for art class, fellas, get out them crayolas and draw outside those lines!

There are several more articles coming out on engaging with your woman and helping her feel as special as you believe she is so check back in soon. Make her believe she is worth it cause she is, and she will be much more receptive to showing you that you are too!

Is it Really Love?

I thought she was the “one”. I thought our future was looking pretty bright. She ended it suddenly a few weeks ago and I am struggling to get past this. We’ve had some arguments but I never thought it was anything serious enough to end things. I am so confused. If she loved me, how could we not get through this?-

BrokenHearted in Akron   Dear Broken Hearted   Here is my take on the difference between what being in love and being in lust or like with someone is. I hope this helps!  

WAS IT EVER REALLY LOVE?

The phrase “I love you” is something that any person entering a relationship with intense physical and emotional feelings works towards.   Your body and brain are being bombarded with chemicals meant specifically to induce bonding with a partner.

This bond leads couples down the road where three little words, small in nature but large in power, await.   Unfortunately, people often confuse intense desire or want as a sign that they are “falling in” love with their partner.

They may utter these words, in a spontaneous moment, and sadly without the understanding of the responsibility, those words contain. Any person in a relationship must stop and truly contemplate what that phrase means before it leaves their lips.  

I LOVE YOU” is a promise to another person that you will:

• Listen as much as you speak
• Give as much as you take
• Forgive as much as you are forgiven
• Give them your time, without the distraction of the outside world.
• Give them affection through words and touch.
• Accepting them for who they are, without the expectation of changing them into who you feel they should be.
• Be truthful and respectful, treating them as you would want your own daughter or son to be treated some day.

True love says
“I’ll hold you when you cry, I’ll laugh with you till our stomachs ache.
I will lend you my strength when yours has faltered, and I’ll be your biggest fan when the world is great.
I won’t run away from you when the storms come, I will run head long into it holding your hand.”

 Relationships do not follow a linear line. They are more like a winding path. Sometimes that path is sunny and beautiful, filled with happiness and joy.

Other times it’s dark, filled with shadows, and not a pretty sight.   So how do you know when it’s real? When it’s more than lust or want?  

When the storm comes, when you find yourself on the dark side of the path. True love is what tells us, let’s do this together, we are better off with each other than alone.

Anyone can be “in love”’ when the relationship is easy when it’s only about touching, surface talk, and sex. It is when it gets tough that you discover as partners who the other truly is.

Some are right for a night or even a season or two. The person worthy of your time and attention is the one who will guard your heart.

So here is my advice Broken Hearted, if you ever find yourself seeking love again, make sure that you feel confident enough with this person that those promises above are something you know they will keep.

Look inside your own heart and mind and make sure you can do the same.

The storm will come, it happens to all of us, the question is, will your hand be out to hold or will you walk away, leaving them to face it alone.

Never utter those words unless you feel that you have it in you to be there through the good times and the bad.

Love isn’t simple, it’s messy and complicated and can be hard to understand. If, however, you find the person who is worth that risk then take the chance. If you can’t commit though, spare them the pain. No one deserves to feel like that.

You

You found me when I was lost. Your acted as my guide.
You held me when I fell, put me back on my feet.
You filled the cracks inside my soul with the superglue of your love.
You are my shelter in the storm, my rainbow when it leaves.
You make me smile till it hurts and hold me when I cry.
I had all these missing pieces, found that yours filled the space.
I was asleep until we met, today I am awake.
I never knew I needed you, until the day I did.
I never understood what love was until I let you in.
You took this broken wing of mine,
You gave me time to heal.
I never knew what love was.
Until I saw me, through you.

 

Last Night

There is something magical that happens when you let yourself be open to all the possibilities in love and relationships.

When you rip open the box society has placed you in you discover a world that is far more complex and beautiful than you ever imagined.

Last night was one of those nights. This expansion of body, mind, and soul transcends words and can only be felt.

To open your heart to more than one person. To allow yourself to be vulnerable and simultaneously brave, it transforms your reality and shows you paths you never imagined.

I sit here with a smile on my face and my brain jumbled with thoughts, my body is pins and needles and it feels so fucking right.

There is no glass ball to look in, no tea leaves to be read. The future is just as unknown today as it was the day before.

Yet, somehow, strangely, it feels more certain too.

Walking then running then leaping into the unknown, free-falling into something so outside of my comfort zone.

Love is the most powerful of emotions for in it is wrapped, hope, fear, and desire. It is a magnet that draws you into the mind and body of another and pulls you in tight.

Sleeping in the arms of one man, waking up to feel the kiss of another, so strangely beautiful and hard to quantify.

The box is not merely ripped, it lays shredded beneath my feet. Freed from convention, I am an explorer in a foreign land, ready to take in the sights.

Moments: Where Memories Are Made

I was having a discussion with a friend earlier this evening on the lifestyle and why I enjoy being a swinger. His primary concern for not exploring was a concern many have. “I don’t think I could handle the jealousy of seeing my partner with someone else” he said. I listened to his points and then did my best to explain to him what it meant for me.

My partner and I have been in the lifestyle for about 13 months now. In this time we have learned a lot, not only about the lifestyle in general but ourselves and our relationship.

When we first got started we made a lot of mistakes. We weren’t good at asserting to others what level of comfort we actually had and found ourselves on more than one occasion in circumstances that left us feeling unprepared or overwhelmed. We sort of dove in feet first without testing the water and we learned valuable lessons that we now take to heart.

Over the last few months, as we have gotten more comfortable and secure with voicing our needs and wants, the lifestyle has taken on an entirely different tone. We surprised ourselves by the friendships that we’ve made within the community. Forming bonds with people we never would have met. Recently we celebrated a “Friendsgiving”, 6 couples who have become great friends over the past year and we thoroughly enjoyed an evening of fun, laughter, and later in the evening, some very adult fun!

Overall, I think, swinging has brought my boyfriend and I closer in a way that i never imagined. By sharing a level of intimacy with other people normally only reserved for two, we’ve had to shed the masks. We have to be brutally honest with one another and share when something leaves us feeling insecure or uncomfortable and that type of interaction then streams into our everyday life. We find that we communicate far more openly with one another than we ever did in former relationships. After all, when you have no secrets from one another, you are able to truly see the full person in front of you and determine if as a whole, they are someone you like.

I know for me, seeing him with another woman, is a turn on. I love watching his body as it merges with another woman’s, love seeing the smile on her face. Hearing her voice as she moans in the pleasure that my man is giving to her. I love seeing his eyes close and his head tilted back as he gives into the sensations of new hands and lips on his skin. When the couple or woman is gone, and it’s just he and I again, we always take the time to reconnect. To allow our bodies to express through touch and movement how we feel. The chemistry I have with him has never been duplicated by any other partner. It is not to say I don’t enjoy playing, I adore it, but at the end of the day, no matter who I’m with, it is his kiss, his touch, his smile that makes me weak in the knees and my heart rate increase.

Knowing that in spite of all the women and men we meet, all the beautiful bodies, the alluring smiles, and fascinating minds, at the end of the day, it is each other that we choose over and over again is what makes swinging such a great experience for me.

There have been brief moments of insecurity, after all, I’m human and so is he. As a woman, I have my own body issues and it’s natural to compare oneself to another. That, however, is again where the lifestyle, is a really good thing. Honesty about how I am feeling leads to open communication which helps to prevent resentment or jealousy from taking root.

Swinging isn’t for everyone, and that is also what I conveyed to my friend. You have to have a deep sense of security in what you have in order to share that with someone else. You have to be able to see that no matter who your partner is with physically, only you have pieces of a puzzle that fit with theirs. I for one am grateful that I have a partner who sees beyond the constructs of what society has deemed as normal and has instead decided that we should define it for ourselves.

We have a level of honesty with one another that no vanilla relationship ever afforded me. I don’t know that it will be a part of our lives 10 or 20 years from now but I do know that for now, it is a wonderful fit. A friend once told me “You deserve moments not things” and now I finally, truly understand. For it is in the moments that the memories are made and for me at least, the lifestyle provides just that.

The Ballet

She took her seat next to him in the auditorium, her head tilting toward his shoulder as her long brown curls fell onto his chest. He grabbed her hand tightly in his own and she felt a tingle run through them.

She lifted her head and stared at his profile, a soft sigh escaping from her lips. Her heart always beat a little faster whenever she thought of him. The strong curve of his jaw line, his cheeks covered in light stubble that would tickle her face when they kissed. His lips, full and soft, able to bring her to her knees with a single touch.

The lights began to dim and she turned her attention towards the stage. The ballet was about to start. A spotlight came on in the center as the curtains were slowly pulled back, and a beautiful ballerina resplendent in a white costume glittering with sequin seemed to float on the air as she turned and leaped across the floor. Her attention was riveted on the display before her. The music turning into a crescendo of delight.

So engrossed was she in the beauty her eyes were feasting on, it took her a moment to realize that his hand was no longer in hers. He had slipped it onto her thigh beneath her winter coat that sat on her lap and was gently stroking her skin. Goosebumps erupted onto her flesh and she found it difficult to concentrate on what had once soaked up all of her attention.

She leaned back in her chair, and slid her hand underneath her coat, hiking her skirt higher on her legs, allowing his hand freer access. She had to catch her breath and stifle a moan when his fingers slipped inside her panties and began to gently explore her in the dark.

Surrounded by people on all sides, she worked hard to calm her breathing and act nonchalant while waves of pleasure coursed through her. His fingers found her clit and rubbed in small circular motions, as his thumb entered her over and again. She bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes and giving in to what he was doing. Her toes began to curl in her heels and it was all she could do not to cry out and give into the moans that desperately wanted to escape her lips.

Her hands dug into the armrest as he brought her to orgasm, her thighs squeezing his arm tight so he could feel the spasms he had wrought. He removed his hand from her skirt, his fingers slick with her and gave her a wink as he settled into his chair and resumed watching the show.

A moment later the lights came on, the first half of the ballet was done. She discreetly rearranged her skirt under her coat and stood on shaky legs to head into the hall.

She kissed him on his cheek and with a sly smile and twinkle in her green eyes, whispered “You’re next” as she walked passed him to get a drink of water and collect her thoughts.

Lessons Learned from Divorce

Occasionally I use my blog as a sort of advice column, in an effort to pass on lessons I’ve learned throughout my life. This article is on lessons I learned for keeping a relationship vital and healthy

After 14 years of marriage, I learned a thing or two. I thought I would share a few of those lessons today.

The first is simple, never take your partner for granted. It is is easy to assume that because you are with someone for a long time they no longer need you. It’s not true. They need to hear that you love them, cherish and value them. The worst thing you can do is assume that because you feel a certain way, your partner knows and it never needs to be voiced.

The second is to date your partner. Remember when you first got together? The excitement that came from trying new things together? You went to restaurants, on road trips, saw new films. You carved out time to make moments and memories because you wanted shared experiences that you could look back on. Life gets busy, I know, work kids, family obligations take hold as the years march on. Even so, a date night a week, or every other one, gives you the chance to reconnect and remember why you fell in love. Something as simple as eating dinner at your kitchen table with candle light and snuggling on the sofa for a movie can really help to remind you of those first moments together.

The third is to never forget the importance of the little things. A text in the middle of the day, flowers for no reason, a photo for his desk or cleaning the dishes after she cooks. Making those small gestures to let your partner know that you are thinking of them goes so much further than large, extravagant gifts. It’s nice to receive beautiful things, even better to know that you are thought of in the every day moments.

The fourth is to communicate. Nothing is worse than allowing something you are angry or sad about to fester and grow. These emotions are like weeds in a garden that will choke out the beauty of your relationship as they continue to grow. If you hold on to the things that bother you, you will build a wall that will be impossible to scale down the road. It’s ok to fight, no relationship is perfect. What is not ok is to hold in your fears, your pain, your sadness, and then take it out on your partner down the road. You have to express yourself then find a way to put it behind you and move on.

The fifth and final lesson is affection is necessary. Intimacy comes on many levels. No one says you have to “make like bunnies”, the truth is the chemical reactions that draw us to one another initially will and do fade over time. With that being said though it is up to you, up to your partner to make sure that you work on keeping the romance alive. Even if, physical limitations prevent you from having sex, you can’t ever underestimate the important of touch. There are so many ways to connect physically and far too often we assume that penetration is the only way to express intimacy with one another. We stop kissing, we stop hugging, we stop looking into each others eyes. All of these things are necessary to keep us bonded and feeling close.

I’m not a relationship expert by any means, just a woman with some insight and time into how and why my marriage failed. We didn’t take the time to connect, touch, talk. We made vast assumptions about the others needs without consulting one another and in the end it hurt us. There were, of course, other circumstances that led to our demise but I do believe that had we looked at these 5 core things more closely, we could have perhaps done better in our efforts to try.

We get one shot at this experience call life, and, if we are lucky, we get the chance to share it with someone else. Connect and Communicate with one another and you will be surprise at the changes you will find.

A Single Step

When I got divorced, I felt lost. Years of dedicating my heart and love to another person was all I knew. I remember the day I got married. So young, so full of hope. Practically skipping down the isle to say “I do.” I wore his mothers dress and was filled with enormous pride. They had endured so many ups and downs in their over 30 years of marriage and here I was, a woman they barely knew, about to make a promise to love their son for the rest of my life. I looked at them as my inspiration and when I put her dress on, it felt like a sign.

The years passed quickly and before I knew it we had been married a year, then five, then ten. In the span of a decade the four kids we brought into the relationship grew up before our eyes. When things got bad, I tried to remind myself of that day, that moment when I made the promise that I was his and he mine.

The harsh truth is that some promises no matter how desperately you want to keep them must be broken for your peace of mind. Asking him for a divorce was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done next to signing my name on the dotted line. We were polar opposites who like magnets came together until we repelled into two separate directions, living completely different lives. The last few years our marriage were not pretty. I was lonely, sad, angry all the time. While he is a good man, he was not a good husband and years of being alone, and taken for granted took their toll. I found myself becoming someone I didn’t like and when I looked at my life, I realized I needed, wanted and deserved so much more.

I never realized how full of egg shells the ground I walked on was until they were one day swept away. Slowly I began to remove the masks that I had carefully worn to keep the peace and began to show the world my true, genuine face. It was terrifying at first, being a wife was all I had known for so long and my sense of self had been hidden beneath the title, tucked securely away.

This past year has been one of great introspection, reflection and discovery as I’ve forged ahead in my new life. I decided to live authentically to who I am at my core and the process have discovered pieces of my puzzle that I never knew I had. I have learned that I am worthy exactly the way I am and when I stopped trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t mine, I began to create my own.

While most people come to my blog to read my stories or poems, get a little naughty relief, I think it’s important to have frank and honest discussions on here too. If I have learned anything this year it’s that I am far more than I gave myself credit for and I still have so much further to go. I am a writer at heart and while I enjoy delving into erotica and sharing my experiences, this post is also a part of who I am. They say write what you know and so I am.

To anyone who reads this, I want to leave you with a message: Never underestimate your value or your worth. Never allow yourself to sit inside a cage of your own making when their is a world outside waiting for you to spread your wings and fly. There is a difference between settling and living and you deserve the chance to make a life.

It has been more than a year since my divorce and in a strange twist, I finally found a friendship with my ex that wasn’t possible when we were bound as man and wife. The freedom to be ourselves allowed us to put aside the hurt and anger and see each other in a different light. We weren’t meant to be and quite honestly, I’m glad I recognized that while I am still young enough to explore and enjoy this new life. Sometimes the things we want are not the things we need and your happiness can be the sacrifice if you aren’t willing to admit it.

This year has been filled with challenges and I’ve had to make hard choices that quite frankly most people would not understand. In the end though I know that waking up each day and loving who I am, being proud of the woman that I was meant to be was worth taking the risk.

Lao Tzu said: “Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” We never know where the step may lead but we will never find out if we aren’t willing to take the chance.

Here is to the journey folks, no matter where it may lead. Thank you for reading my stories and sharing in pieces of my life. A writer without readers would be a little strange and I am humbled to have so many of you stop by.

May you have a beautiful rest of your night.

Marcia

Dream Come True

I love you. Not because of the way you look, or what you wear, not because of what you make. I love you because of all things your not. Your not mean, or selfish, not cruel or thoughtless. Your not trying to save me or fix me or tell me how things should be done.

There are so many uncertainties in life. So many things that I just don’t know. The one thing I’m certain of though is that when I wake up next to you every morning, I smile. When I go to bed every night, laying naked, wrapped inside your arms, I feel safe, I feel like I’m home.

Sometimes, in the middle of the day, when the silence inside the house wraps around me like a cloak, I allow my mind to wander and my thoughts find their way back to you. The way your touch gives me goosebumps, the way your kiss send electric shocks down my spine. When your inside me my body feels complete like the piece that was missing has been found.

You make me laugh, the kind where my belly aches and my eyes water and my mouth hurts from the effort. When we spend time together I am often struck by how effortless it is to talk to you. The conversation flows like water from a stream, cool, crisp, and natural.

When I say that I love you, know that it is not words that come merely from my lips but feelings that emanate from my soul. You are a dream come true and I hope that I continue dreaming for the rest of my life.

The Trailer

The road is dark and winding, full of curves. It’s a full moon out tonight and the sky is illuminated with stars. My hand is held tightly in his and the wind from the open window caresses my face. My hair blows into my eyes and I find myself smiling as I remove it from my face. We drive in happy silence, not needing words, allowing the energy that flows between us to do the speaking. After some time, we arrive. A chorus of crickets, frogs and other creatures greets us as we open the car door and walk into the night.

The trailer is plain and nondescript. It sits on a patch of land surrounded by other trailers and fishing boats. Lakes dot the edge of the woods and in the summer time they are filled with the sounds of families making memories together.

Tonight, however, is ours. It’s fall and cool outside, the days of fishing over for the season. We arrive shortly after 10 p.m., the air filled with the promise of things to come.

We’ve been dating a few weeks now but sometimes, it feels like he’s always been in my life. There is a comfort with him, a sense of peace. I never intended on getting serious with someone so soon after my divorce. It was an invitation to dinner, that’s all. When he knocked on my door I was taken by surprise. He was tall, and handsome. Bald with a thick goatee, eyes a combination of green and gold. His arms were strong and his body toned and tight, I could see muscles straining through his shirt. The conversation flowed easily and as the date progressed, so too, did my attraction to him. Every day since then we found reasons to meet, like Alice in Wonderland, I’ve been falling deeper down the rabbit hole, descending into love.

When we come here it feels like Heaven has parted a curtain, giving me a glimpse into the divine. It’s quiet and peaceful, my mind and body connected to Mother Earth and the splendorous bounty she’s provided for our pleasure.

We build a bonfire, sitting side by side on two old and battered red chairs, our fingers touching, tracing slow circles on each others palms. Glasses of wine sit on the grass next to our feet and we relax into the night, looking up at the stars, as we talk. He leans over and puts a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch sending goosebumps down my arms. I sigh and sink deeper into the chair, listening to the love song that is playing gently through the open window from speakers inside.

The song sums up exactly how I feel. I’m in love, head over heels. In a few short weeks, this man, once a stranger is now someone I can’t image my life without. I want to tell him, I want to shout it out loud, but I’m afraid. I’ve been struck by lightening and my heart and mind are charged.

He grabs my hand and stands me up, leading me towards the blanket that he’s laid on the grass. As the fire burns bright and I stare into his eyes, we shed our clothing like molting snakes, standing naked beneath the moonlight. He lays me down and kisses my face, the grass touching my toes, tickling my feet. We begin to make love, connecting body, mind and soul. As I arch my back and my fingers sweep over his cheek, he whispers “I love you” for the first time.

“Say it again” I tell him. The sound of his voice, a lullaby, a symphony, music that soothes and heals my injured soul. He says it over and over, I say it back, letting those three words I was terrified of uttering, rush from my lips, from my soul. Tears well into my eyes and down my cheek. I close them as I run my fingers across his face. I pretend I am blind and he is Braille, wanting to read the love that is etched there.

We lay beneath our blankets, my head on his chest, I fall asleep, his words in my ears, my heart soaring into the night, my soul breathes a sigh of relief. I am home, I am free, beneath these stars, wrapped tightly in his arms, I am exactly where I need to be.

First Kiss

I was driving down the road the other night at sunset and saw the most brilliant sky. It looked like a painter had taken a brush and thrown shades of pink, purple and orange into the clouds. I looked at that sunset and for the briefest of moments felt like I had caught a glimpse of Heaven painted in the sky for me to admire and view.

It reminded me of a kiss. The first kind. The kind that is filled with promise, imbibed with magic.

When you kiss someone for the first time and there is chemistry, you can feel it in your toes. The world stops for the briefest of moments and the Universe opens wide. You feel electric and completely alive.

The touch of lips together, the inviting seeking of a tongue, when it’s with the right person, it’s an experience like no other.

Chemistry has the same effect on the brain that you get trying a drug. You feel a rush of dopamine and your neurons come alive. Your body responds on a thousand different levels all at once.

A kiss is also a promise. It’s a promise of what is yet to come. When a man grabs your face, looks deep into your eyes and kisses you, you are being told all you need to know without ever hearing a word.

As I drove looking at the sunset, I saw the beautiful scene before me as my eye wandered to the kiss, that first one. A smile made it’s way onto my face as I put my music up and sang along. There is nothing in the world like a first kiss. When you are with the right person, the best part of all is that every time is like the first time and that’s something, like the sunset, that is beautiful to behold.

House Party Orgy

It started with dinner. We drove an hour and half out of town and met a lovely couple that we’ve chatted with online. They in turn brought two other couples with them that they have swung with for years. All in our late 30’s and early 40’s, we made quite the impression sitting at a table together. 4 attractive couples chatting over a nice dinner on a night that would be anything but ordinary.

After dinner we hopped in our cars, a caravan driving down a winding, dark country road to our next destination. A house in the middle of nowhere in the dead of winter on a very cold night. We began our walk towards the house, ice and snow crunching beneath our boots.

Our host greeted us at the door. A sort of “godfather”, he is a man in his 70’s who has been in the lifestyle for a long time. He was very congenial and kind welcoming us with a warm hug and inviting us to enjoy all the pleasures the night had in store.

About 20 other couples were already there and they all greeted us as we entered. A friendly group comprised of all ages and body types. We began with a quick tour of the house and what a house it was! The basement had been converted into a swingers paradise.

The main gathering area had a large bar and equally large pool table for guests to mingle and converse.  5 rooms comprised the rest of the downstairs, each with something unique and fun. The room at the end of the hall had a king size bed and in the corner a Sibian! A table held every size attachment one could possibly imagine at the ready for use. The ceiling had mirrors attached so you could watch yourself from every angle.The second and third rooms offered king size beds, fresh lines and towels with condoms and lube conveniently placed on the nightstands. Adjacent to the main room where two curtained areas. The first had a king size bed for group play and the second had a sex swing mounted to the ceiling with a bed off to the side.

Did I mention this was a huge house?!

After  the tour our friends suggested we retire outside to the hot tub! Having promised myself that I would be open to whatever the night offered I agreed even if I was a little nervous at first. One of the wives started things off by allowing our host to strip her down to her panties in the mudroom. She removed them wrapping herself in a towel, ready to head out into the night. I was still feeling a little bit shy but I did remove my dress in front of everyone then snuggled into my towel in my bra and panties. We made our way outside and my God was it cold! It was in the twenties and we all did a mad dash to the hot tub, yelling as the ice hit our bare toes. I threw myself into the welcoming warmth of the bubbles and heat, breathing a sigh of relief as I removed the rest of my clothes.

Now let me tell you, this was a night of firsts for me and the hot tub was another one of them. I’ve never been outside in the winter in one, much less naked, much less naked with 5 other people! It was beautiful though. We were in the country completely unencumbered from city lights. There were stars as far as they eye could see. We spent a good hour and half just laughing and talking, all the while discreetly touching each other underneath the bubbles. It was very erotic and had me thoroughly turned on. After we were quite pruny and incredibly relaxed we decided to brave the cold yet again to get back inside. Our towels had ice on them from the cold but we wrapped ourselves as best as we could and ran back towards

Once we went back inside we decided it was time for a game of pool. The rules were simple. If you scratch you remove a piece of clothing. My boyfriend, normally a phenomanol pool player scratched a few times that night and ended up in only his boxers by the time the game was done. He did, however, win the game which meant the wife he was playing against had to lose her clothes all together! Fair is fair you know….

At this point in the night we were all very comfortable and decided to take things up a notch. The six of us made our way into what we called the Red room because of the lights and gave the Sibian a go. I’ve never used one and decided to be brave and be the first to try. I stripped out of my dress and completely naked mounted the machine, handing my boyfriend the controls. It was tame at first but when he kicked up the speed, holy. fucking. god. My orgasm was quick and intense and I was soaked.

I was numb and shaky, finally understanding why women like this machine so much! The other girls decided if I could be brave then so could they and we each eventually had a turn receiving orgasm from the mind bending, leg quacking, spasm making piece of heavenly man-made machinery.

Quite honestly, the night could have ended there and I would have chalked it up in my top 5 of sexual experiences but it was just getting started!

We moved on as a group into the swing room and that is were things really heated up. We played for a time in different groupings on the swing. At one point I was on the swing, receiving oral sex from one of the husbands, while my boyfriend kissed me and touched my breasts. A quick glance on the bed assured me that the other couples were having a lot of fun too!

Somehow, all six of us ended up on the bed. There was touching, kissing, sucking galore. One of the couples decided to have sex on the swing while the rest of us watched. Then back to the bed they came for more group play. My boyfriend and one of the wives began to have sex and it was a site to see. I love watching him touch and fuck other women. It’s a turn on to see his body moving inside someone else. It was an even bigger turn on when the other wife began kissing her while they were having sex.

While my boyfriend entertained them, their husbands entertained me. One kissed me while the other performed oral sex. Then they both lay on the bed where I alternated blow jobs and hand jobs on them. It was erotic, sexy, intense. I ended up bringing the second husband to orgasm with a blowjob, swallowing his load while the other husband made me cum through oral sex.

Before we knew it, it was 1 am and sadly time to go. We all got dressed all the while talking and laughing with one another. Kissing and hugging our hosts goodbye, we made our way out into the cold.

On the drive we both became incredibly turned on as we rehashed the evenings events. He pulled his pants down to his waist and I gave him a blow job on the highway as we made our way back. It didn’t stop there though. We had not yet had a chance to be intimate that night since our attention had been focused on four other people.

So at 2:30 in the morning, we found an access road on a deserted country road and pulled off to the side. He turned the car off and dimmed the lights. Pushed his seat all the way back and I rode him hard in the front seat of the car. We both had a crazy, body rocking orgasm and felt satiated and incredibly over the moon happy.We lay there for a few minutes, wrapped in each others arms, the sound of heartbeats mixing in with the insects outside, a melody that will stay with me forever.

Oh what a night. What a moment. What a memory that will last me the rest of my life.

Swinging, providing, it has opened me up sexually in ways I didn’t know existed. I am learning and growing as a woman an sexual being. I am finding what I like, what I don’t, discovering sleeping goddesses inside of me who were waiting for the chance to wake up.

It was a hell of a way to start out the New Year. Can’t wait to see what adventures are in store for me next!

 

Fetish and Fantasy Ball

On Saturday, after the Soriee, we attended the Fetish and Fantasy ball at the Hard Rock in Vegas. My God what an experience! We had a stunning sky-box that provided us with privacy and the ability to comfortably leave our things in a secure area while we explored the event.

It was a visual Thanksgiving feast. The costumes, the pageantry, it was amazing. I felt like a kid at Christmas, running from present to present trying to unwrap it all at once.

The stage shows were nothing short of phenomenal. It was equal parts play and acrobatics, with women suspended by hooks from their backs, swinging through the air like children in a very twisted playground. There was a beautiful woman who performed on an ariel ring and to watch her body as it flowed and moved around the hoop was a treat.

There was a human zoo, filled with stunning males and females body painted to resemble animals, complete with a trainer who had a whip!

My favorite part, however, was the BDSM room that was overflowing with vendors sharing their wares and a giant stage where people could experience a professional “flogging” from a dom. I stood in line for over 40 minutes to experience this for myself.

I was given a very cute gentleman who knew how to use his tools! I was placed on a giant lighted X, with my back the crowd. He asked me a series of questions and we discussed my safety “lines in the sand” (i.e. how hard he could hit, what he could touch etc…) I placed my hands inside bungee cord ropes and closed my eyes.

The first smack came and it was deliciously painful and pleasurable all at once. It felt like tiny like finger smacks all over my ass and thigh. He slowly increased his speed, at a few points making my dress fly into the air, my entire ass exposed to the crowd, black lace panties that paired rather nicely with my knee high leather boots.

I felt quite sexy, and alive. I enjoy submission, enjoy letting the side of me that wants to always be in charge to take a break. I like giving up and giving in and letting go. It takes me to a different place in my head where I am not having to constantly think through things. I can just receive and feel.

Over and over he smacked me with this his little leather whip and over and over it felt fabulous. I was getting very turned on, especially when he would stop, take his hands, rub them down my ass and thighs to soothe the sore places before making them sore again.

When he untied my wrists, I felt a little weak in the knees but very happy and relaxed. While in my personal life I have played on the edges of BDSM I have never had the experience that I did on Saturday. I found that I liked it, a lot.

I think I am going to look deeper into exploring this more in my own life and in my business. So long as it is done with respect, care and understanding, it is a pleasurable and mind altering thing.

This weekend was filled with many firsts, this “flogging” if you will was among my favorites. I was fascinated not only with the process but with how I responded to it. Definitely something I want to try again (and again!) I like submission, I like releasing myself into the hands of another human being and saying “here I am, don’t hurt me, I trust you”. It’s not an easy thing to do but if/when you can it’s well worth it.

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Let’s Talk About Sex

We are a bottled-up soda can called society that is being shaken up. When the top is popped we burst. While we are inundated with sexual images, innuendos, and messages on virtually every form of media, as a general rule, sex is still taboo.

“Polite girls” don’t talk about it, “Gentlemen” never kiss and tell. We keep the issue wrapped under lock and key and in turn miss out.

So let’s talk. Let’s be honest.

Sex is an expression of the human condition. At our core, we are mammals, animals. We are meant to procreate. The difference between us and other species is that while they use it solely to propagate their species, we can give and receive vast amounts of pleasure from our experience.

Sex is a beautiful thing. It can be done on many levels and each time is a chance to try or discover something new. We can be rough; spanking, smacking, pounding each other into the bed. We can be tender; kissing, holding, slowly building up steam. We can be passionate; ripping each other’s clothes off, impatient children at Christmas waiting to play with their toys.

There are so many levels of sex. So many ways to explore another human being, to explore ourselves. Like sex, another thing we don’t dare name is the “M” word. Masturbation. It’s the “dirty” little thing we do in secret that we never discuss.

Studies have shown that even young children explore their bodies. Not because they are deriving sexual pleasure from it, that is a concept they have no awareness of, but simply because it feels good. We are creatures driven by the need to feel pleasure. Driven by the need to feel. Masturbation isn’t just a part of us, it is a necessary and vital way to get to know your own body and what you like and don’t.

Touching yourself, being in charge of your own pleasure, it’s empowering. It teaches you that you are in control of the physical sensations that often dominate your body. It teaches you what touch you appreciate, what touch you don’t like.

Yet, with that being said, it’s a topic that we don’t discuss openly, and when we do it is often tinged with shame or embarrassment because it’s ingrained in us that it’s not proper.

So here is what I say to the words “proper” “dirty” “shameful” “taboo”….FUCK IT! Be brave, be bold. Explore your body and explore your partners. Don’t be afraid to speak openly with one another about your needs and wants and desires. Share your fantasies and don’t have shame in them.

Own your sexuality and your body. Embrace that you are a glorious creature who gets one shot in this life. If you spend it existing instead of living you’re doing yourself a disservice.

Ever thought of sleeping with 2 men at once? 2 women? Try it. Ever thought of jerking off while your gf watches? Tell her. Ever thought of playing with a toy while you’re getting fucked? Why not? How about ass play, BDSM, oral sex, or exhibitionism? I can go on and on with this list of “Ever’s” but you get my point! There is seriously no limit to our imaginations when it comes to sex and we are each beautifully unique in our want.

The only person in control of your body is you. The only person in control of the pleasure you can give and receive is yourself. Embrace your sexuality. Embrace who you are meant to be. Become Ponce de Leon and go on a voyage of the body, creating a map of the places you like best.

Be brave my friends. Be bold. Stop letting society tell you who you are meant to be and start discovering it for yourself.

Talk to your partner, get the discussion going. You might surprise yourselves in what you find out. Life is a journey, travel it alone or with someone but travel it. Robert Frost said, “Don’t go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”.

Here is too blazing a new trail when it comes to topics like sex. We all want it, we all do it, until we start discussing it we may never know what packages have been waiting to be unwrapped that are collecting dust under our proverbial trees.

Happy Unwrapping!

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