Tonight

I lay in my tent and listen to the chirping of the crickets and frogs right outside. There is a full moon out and the light streams through my open screen casting shadows on the fabric walls.

My mattress is firm and comfortable. Complete with a fitted sheet and blanket. I call it camping elevated, trading the hard ground and sleeping bag for an air mattress and pillows from home.

He will be here any minute. He is finishing his goodbyes at the bonfire we’ve just left, I walked ahead, wanting to prepare for the next part of our evening. Tonight is special, and I want and need everything to be perfect.

I place battery operated candles all around the bed, turn the app on my phone to the music I’ve picked out. I slip out of my shorts and t-shirt, muddy from our hike earlier in the day and quickly cleanse my skin with wipes. It’s not a hot shower but it will do. Satisfied the grime from our afternoon adventure has been erased, I dig into my bag for the special outfit I hid under the clothes in our overnight bag.

It’s a blue silk teddy, his favorite color and it has tiny matching panties with hints of lace. I smoothe some lotion onto my skin, replacing the stubbornly lingering scent of bug spray with vanilla and lavender. My hair, is an altogether different issue. I sigh deeply and then get to work. No running water in the middle of the woods means a good brushing and ponytail will have to do.

I settle onto the mattress and wait. On hearing the crunch of dry leaves and sticks in the distance my heart begins to race. This is it. The night I’ve been waiting on for the last several weeks. It’s been so hard not giving in. The want, the need, the desire I have for him has built higher and higher like a Jenga tower, and finally the time has come where I’ll let the pieces fall, giving into what I’ve waited for.

He’s been patient and kind, giving me space to come to the decision in my own time. I needed to be certain. I needed to feel secure in knowing he wanted more than sex. That he saw me and not just my body. I wanted to do it different this time around. Shake the impulsiveness that has taken me down pathways of regret and hurt.  

He’s proven over and over again that he does. His heart and compassion, his kindness and actions, all show me I am finally with a man instead of the typical men-children of my past.

I’ve never felt this way before. He makes my skin break out into goosebumps with a touch. His lips on mine leave me feeling drugged, euphoric, weak in the knees. I feel like a piece of metal and he is the magnet, I can’t help but be drawn in. He’s funny, charming, and his intelligence turns me on. 

His footsteps are closer, he’s almost here. “This is it”, I think, as he unzips the tent and steps inside. I watch him closely as the realization dawns on his face and walk over to him, leading him to the bed.

Tonight is the night he gets all of me, after all, he already has my heart.